You might win: A disowning by your furious family!
You might win: A sudden loss of your friends who deride your not agreeing to smoking/drinking/partying/porning/sleeping around!
You might win: Newfound ethical dilemmas and/or a chance to be fired from your work place for non-compliance with questionable practices!
You might win: Harassment and intimidation from former friends, colleagues, family members, strangers who picked up the newspaper recently, or even (if you’re EXTRA lucky) local law enforcement officials!
You might win: A non-existant place of worship for decades until the local authorities approve your land for religious use!
You might win: Years of red tape and legal battles just to change one line on your MyKad! (BONUS: Insults and condemnation by the larger part of society!)
You might win: Official cover-up and denial of your religious conversion, just like the many others who have not converted either (officially).
You might win: Denial or cessation of aid and development for your kampong in the foresty hills! Don’t worry, your bumiputra ethnicity or hardcore economic deficiency won’t disqualify you from this loss of support!
You might win: A gag order when you try to say something like ***** ** *** *** ** ******! (Oops, looks like we won one too!)
You might win: A 60 days, 2 years or indefinite stay at the special ISA Suite of Hotel Kamunting! Enjoy the utter seclusion, iron-rod massages and ice-water baths administered by well-trained, professional attendants!
You might win: Constant and often deliberate challenges to your beliefs, moral stand, determination, personal opinions and dreams for the future! Questioning of your sensibility and ability to think straight may also be included.
You might win: Disdain, contempt, mockery and ridicule from EVERYONE ELSE. That’s right, folks, that’s EVERYONE ELSE including other monotheistic faith, humanists, naturalists, communists, atheists, New Age groups, offshoot cults, controlling regimes, perhaps 49.3% of Americans who voted Blue, and people who don’t even try/want to understand your beliefs! You’ll never be bored or lonely!
You might win: Bricks, bullets, stones, sticks, machetes, petrol + open flame, noose + tree, and vehement hatred… All absolutely FREE!
You might win: Special visits from well-wishers who flew ALL THE WAY from distant and exotic lands such as Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Lebanon, Palestine and more! And they brought presents! (see above)
You might win: Explosive or combustive devices in your place of worship when it finally exists!
You might win: Guaranteed top spots on the short waiting list of future riot and religious conflict victims!
You might win: Complete ignoring from the world media while you’re being persecuted in one of the above package deals. Unless you decide to defend yourself, whereupon you get to star in the role of ‘The Evil Oppressor’!
And for those lucky contestants who live in North Korea, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Somalia, Maldives, Bhutan, Vietnam, Yemen, Laos, China, or any number of other countries in the world, you and your family might win a chance to be imprisoned, tortured and killed horrifyingly with no annoying paparazzi coverage! You lucky winners, you!
So what are you waiting for? Join the hundreds of millions who have already collected their prizes over the centuries! (We regret to inform contestants that several prizes are no longer available, including the Stalin’s Purge Formula, Chairman Mao Special and Holy Horde Package)
And do you know what else? It’s all worth it… Completely. More than completely. But really and truly, you have to try it for yourself. I have.