(WARNING: Some may be a bit crude for more delicate sensibilities, but these are already the less explicit ones!)
Dick Cheney’s only weakness is love.
Dick Cheney takes candy from babies, then later gives it to diabetic babies
When a new senator places his hand on the book to be sworn in, very few realize it is actually the Necronomicon until Cheney laughs and tells them “you’re mine now”.
Bathes every night in the warm, viscous plasma of freshly killed Iraqi insurgents to keep his skin soft.
Ted Kennedy is afraid to drive with him.
After turning down an offer from Mafia Don, Cheney woke up with a horse head in his bed. He grabbed it, held it like a teddy bear, and went back to sleep.
It is widely believed that free-range chickens are far superior to captive ones, as they result in a more tender, juicy, healthful meal. Dick Cheney believes this too, but about homeless people.
Dick Cheney was bitten by a radioactive spider in high school, imparting to the spider Cheney-like powers.
Contrary to conventional wisdom, Dick Cheney actually has the bleeding heart of a liberal…He keeps it in a jar under his desk.