“Ride My Dragon”
(The WarSong of the UnDaunted DeathFury)
A Heavy Metal Epic in Three Movements
Steven “Little Stevie” Weber
Ocala Regional Middle School
Mrs. Noonan’s “Creative Expressions” Class
War-drums echo over the Orcish plain
the giants bludgeoning each other
their froth-flecked teeth are bared
stuck knee deep in sludge, begin to spatter
the tiny people at their feet with blood, bile and bilge
Ride My Dragon
Yeahhhh, Ride My Dragon, baby
Well My Dragon can take a mount baby
and it might as well be you.
It might as well be you.
Werewolf knights charge on raging bearsharks
The population has just come to
Eleven vile virgins scream in ecstasy
those most adept at hurling invective-laced loogies
are doing so with bewilderingly less commitment
and a significant decrease in phlegm
Well Ride My Dragon Baby
Yeahh-eahh, Ride That Dragon Baby
Well My Dragon Can seat two baby
So you might as well bring a friend.
Yeah, baby, you can bring a friend.
the Old Guard has collected its booty
(Ride that Dragon)
in a stained pillow case and simply gone AWOL
(Ride it, ride it)
every volley of vitriol seems to slow in midair
(no I don’t like it when you play with my a$$)
and fall to the ground with a tinny clatter
(I didn’t say I was mad, I just said stop)
Ride my Dragon, Baby
Whoahhh, Ride that Dragon Baby
You got a pretty nest in your girl-forest
Where my weary Dragon can rest his head.
Yeah, My Dragon needs to rest his head.
Deep in the dark oblivion of spite, and/or Mordor
(Ride on, ride on)
I spy a light at the end of the Halliburton-constructed tunnel
(Grind on, grind on)
deceptively drawling ferocity
(Lay down, lay — what? what did he say?)
a neutron bomb of change is about to detonate
(is this guy making no sense or is it just me?)
formerly fertile fields of fetid fibbery
(wow. just… wow)
Well Pet My Dragon baby
Stroke that Dragon — right under his chin. Yeah.
Well My Dragon’s about to spit fire
You might want to shield your eyes.
Yeah baby, you might need to shield your eyes.
[quiet, slow fade; whisper:]
Cover your eyes baby
Cover your eyes
Warned you about that.
[hold on last note; end]
Actually does sound like the kind of stuff Megadeth sings. (And I still think that era of double entredes was more creative than today’s R&B “I think you sexay let’s f***” direct lyrics.)