Ride My Dragon - Snarky Pseudo Heavy Metal Lyrics

Check out the lyrics first, then head over to the source at AoSHQ (via newer AoSHQ post) for the bolded parts.

“Ride My Dragon”

(The WarSong of the UnDaunted DeathFury)

A Heavy Metal Epic in Three Movements

by:

Steven “Little Stevie” Weber

Grade 8
Ocala Regional Middle School
Mrs. Noonan’s “Creative Expressions” Class

War-drums echo over the Orcish plain

the giants bludgeoning each other

their froth-flecked teeth are bared

stuck knee deep in sludge, begin to spatter

the tiny people at their feet with blood, bile and bilge

…

Ride My Dragon

Yeahhhh, Ride My Dragon, baby

Well My Dragon can take a mount baby

and it might as well be you.

It might as well be you.

…

Werewolf knights charge on raging bearsharks

The population has just come to

Eleven vile virgins scream in ecstasy

those most adept at hurling invective-laced loogies

are doing so with bewilderingly less commitment

and a significant decrease in phlegm

…

Well Ride My Dragon Baby

Yeahh-eahh, Ride That Dragon Baby

Well My Dragon Can seat two baby

So you might as well bring a friend.

Yeah, baby, you can bring a friend.

…

[Bridge]

the Old Guard has collected its booty

(Ride that Dragon)

in a stained pillow case and simply gone AWOL

(Ride it, ride it)

every volley of vitriol seems to slow in midair

(no I don’t like it when you play with my a$$)

and fall to the ground with a tinny clatter

(I didn’t say I was mad, I just said stop)

…

Ride my Dragon, Baby

Whoahhh, Ride that Dragon Baby

You got a pretty nest in your girl-forest

Where my weary Dragon can rest his head.

Yeah, My Dragon needs to rest his head.

…

Deep in the dark oblivion of spite, and/or Mordor

(Ride on, ride on)

I spy a light at the end of the Halliburton-constructed tunnel

(Grind on, grind on)

deceptively drawling ferocity

(Lay down, lay — what? what did he say?)

a neutron bomb of change is about to detonate

(is this guy making no sense or is it just me?)

formerly fertile fields of fetid fibbery

(wow. just… wow)

…

Well Pet My Dragon baby

Stroke that Dragon — right under his chin. Yeah.

Well My Dragon’s about to spit fire

You might want to shield your eyes.

Yeah baby, you might need to shield your eyes.

[quiet, slow fade; whisper:]

Cover your eyes baby

Cover your eyes

Whoops.

Warned you about that.

[hold on last note; end]

Actually does sound like the kind of stuff Megadeth sings. (And I still think that era of double entredes was more creative than today’s R&B “I think you sexay let’s f***” direct lyrics.)