Captain Planet and the Planeteers – the award winning show about a superhero and his super kiddies saving the world from pollution and environmental destruction!
Yeah, I actually did enjoy watching it way back when… Not that anyone I knew ever put into practice any of the ‘eco lessons’ we were meant to learn!
Save for one instance… The time when I found out that Captain Planet is not all the super-nice guy he makes himself out to be…
I was in University. Every Friday after Varisty Christian Fellowship, we’d have lunch together. After lunch, some of us would have classes – including me for that particular semester.
Now, usually I’d eat a nice, big lunch (being the buff, all-muscle Spartan warrior that I am 😛 )… Which leads to a full stomach needing lots of blood to carry off the digested nutrients, and therefore sleepiness in class right after lunch.
Then one Friday I had this excellent notion… In order to avoid the post-meal drowsiness, I’d follow the advice of Captain Planet!
At the end of every episode of the cartoon series, viewers would be treated to a Public Service Announcement style segment called ‘Planeteer Alert’ where Captain Planet and the Planeteers would teach us all environmentally friendly lifestyle tips.
One of these was the following skit: Two teenage boys are headed to a basketball game. They stop by a grocery store to get something to eat. One boy gets a chocolate bar, and is chided by his friend for his ‘unhealthy’ snack food choice. The friend instead gets a wholesome, all-natural apple.
After a short while of shooting hoops, the chocolate-eater has to stop and sit down because he’s tired and out of stamina. His apple-eating friend comes to check on him, and advises him that wholesome natural foods like apples give long-lasting energy while chocolate merely gives a short boost that soon runs out. Captain Planet shows up to wrap up the segment.
Inspired by what I had learnt from the worldwide-praised tv show, I decided to eat just an apple for lunch. But just one left me still kind of peckish… So to be safe, I had two! Aha, now I would be ready to face a day of classes with sufficient energy and no tiredness at all!
Within two hours of lunching on apples, I was desperate with hunger and weakness, hardly able to focus my mind on the lecture.
CAPTAIN PLANET TRICKED ME WITH BLATANT LIES!!!
A simple comparison between the calorific (food energy) values of a small bar of chocolate and an average apple clearly shows the extent of the eco-dishonesty that Captain Planet perpetuated:
Cadbury’s chocolate bar: 300 calories
Apple: 58 calories
This is more shocking when you realize that the average adult male like myself needs 2000 calories in a day to not roll over and die. At least the single chocolate bar provides 1/7th of that amount, as opposed to an apple providing a measly 1/34th. I would have fared far better by lunching on a choccy bar, which would also avoid heavy-meal sleepiness but still provide enough energy to get through the day till dinner.
No wonder I ran out of energy so fast even after eating not just one, but TWO apples! If the Captain Planet skit were at all realistic, the apple-eating teen would have collapsed unconcious on the basketball court from hypoglycemia long before the chocolate-eating teen got tired!
Had I thought it over a bit longer, I might also have realized that the US Army did NOT supply its troops with Granny Smith apples instead of Hershey chocolate bars during World War II.
(In fact, it is likely that the French went into battle with only apples as their source of nutrition, judging from their combat performance against the sausages-and-beer powered Germans.)
So Captain Planet and the Planeteers was not exactly spot on with its dietary advice. Just an honest mistake? Not likely, for when I look back on the show, I realize that it regularly used Green philosophy and wishful thinking rhetoric in the place of actual fact.
Industry is evil. Gazelle burgers are better than McDonalds. Israelis and Palestinians would hug and be friends forevermore if only they realized that they share common prophets and holy places. (ROFL! In real life, accusations of corrupted holy texts and a mosque built on the site of the old Jewish Temple achieve the exact opposite result as what the Planeteers naively assume!)
The global warming swindle has opened my eyes to various other environmental scare-hoax conjectures hysterically passed off as proven science, such as the ‘DDT causes cancer and kills eagle hatchlings’ scare that led to its ban (and the deaths of 50 million).
In fact, the cynic in me has begun to doubt if ANY of the enviromental concerns have a scientifically proven basis at all!
If Gaia worshippers lied to us on two of their biggest issues of modern times, what else have they lied to us about? Do CFCs really cause the hole in the Ozone Layer? Do power lines really cause cancer? Or do the ecoweenies just want us to believe that in order to make their own prejudices public opinion, and eventually, international law?
So just because environmental groups claim something as the latest threat to health, Earth and all human civilization, I am disinclined to believe such claims – because eco-warriors have proven to be dishonest, ignorant, selfish and coercive on other environmental concerns.
Likely as not, the majority of eco-campaigns they are just tools and finger-puppets for world socialism, anti-globalization, anti-capitalism, human exticntion, selfish personal gain, political power or sabotage-your-richer-neighbour ploys.
So with Captain Planet’s association with environmental causes, how honest and truthful could its plotlines possibly be? It’s not his fault that his creators were force-fed with the bitter green-nut lies that were passed on as yummy truth.
PS. In the end, it wasn’t big industry or toxic pollution that did Captain Planet in… It was ‘rainbows’ lol!!!
Ah… The good old days before Captain Planet became a washed-up, has-been eco-crusader hanging out with other Greensane loudmouth fatties…
See also Television Tropes & Idioms which describes some of the anti-Americanism of this.. Uh… American-produced show in the bottom half:
Commander Contrarian – Wheeler exists to say or do something stupid or jerkass and then be corrected by his wise non-American teammates.
The Complainer Is Always Wrong – Any viewpoint innocently contrary to the show is given to Wheeler, the stupid spoiled American of the team. Even when he has a perfectly legitimate point, the show sets him up to be “proven” wrong.