If Ann Coulter Were a Rocker, She’d be Ted Nugent


The man who sang the hit rock song Cat Scratch Fever is also a conservative, bitterly gun-clinging Christian… And has no time for all that politically correct politeness crap. Any conversation with him is bound to be highly amusing and gloriously Moonbat-bashing!

Informed of via Moonbattery, here are some excerpts from and interview with British paper The Independent:

“Never has there been such an upsurge in crime since they confiscated all your weapons. Why don’t you arm yourselves? You Limeys have a zipper that’s locked in the closed position, because you don’t have a constitution. You’re rewarded for shutting the f*ck up.”

He explains his political philosophy which, as I understand it, is based on extending the death penalty to a far wider range of crimes than homicide, then arming any survivors to the teeth.

British police who don’t want to carry firearms are, Nugent says, “out of their minds. I say if somebody robs you, shoot ’em. I’d like all thieves killed. And all rapists. And carjackers. No more graffiti. No more…” – this next phrase is a Spoonerism, rather than some Texan term for gross indecency – “snatch-pursing.”

“For an unarmed force,” I suggest, “the British police have shot quite a few people. Did you hear about Jean Charles de Menezes?”

“That was horrible. An American cop would have just beat the sh*t out of him.”

In Iraq, he says, he was allowed the opportunity to man automatic weapons. “Our failure,” he tells me, “has been not to Nagasaki them.”

I tell Nugent how, 20 years ago, having observed a slaughterhouse at first hand, I decided to stop eating anything I felt I couldn’t kill myself, and have since got by on fruit, vegetables and fish.

“That’s my premise too,” says Ted. Then: “Hang on – are you saying you don’t eat lamb?”

“Yes.”

“Well, my hunting system is pure. These people who passively connive in that hideous assembly-line slaughter are in denial, yet they condemn my natural gathering system. That is a bizarre mindset.” Just to set the mood, he fires the .22 out of the open cab window.

“You’d grown up in a part of Detroit called Redford Township. What was that like?”

“A microcosm of the American Dream. My dad had just killed Japs and Nazis.”

“In February 1977, People magazine reported you as saying that you’d smoked ’50 joints in the 1960s’ and tried ‘two lines of cocaine’.” “What I actually said to People was that on an average night at the MC5 house I’d turn down 50 joints and refuse cocaine.”

“It was around this time that you publicly likened the taste of marijuana to rhinoceros semen. That statement begs one question at least…” “Their entire hallway smelled of hashish. I never smoked a joint.”

“In 1977 you gave an interview to High Times [the cannabis user’s journal of record] where you claimed you defecated in your clothes to avoid the draft.”

(“I got 30 days’ notice of the physical,” Nugent told them. “I ceased cleansing my body. Two weeks before the test I stopped eating food with nutritional value. A week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. My pants got crusted up.”)

“I never shit my pants to get out of the draft,” says Nugent, good-naturedly.

“You also told them you took crystal meth [methamphetamine, the highly destabilising drug sometimes described as poor man’s crack] before the medical – as a result of which, and I quote: ‘I got this big juicy 4F.'”

“Unbelievable. Meth,” he replies, in a tone of deep sarcasm. “Yes, that’s my drug of choice. You’ve got to realise that these interviewers would arrive with glazed eyes and I would make stories up. I never did crystal meth. And I never pooped my pants.”

We take a break. Nugent sits by a small amp and plays tunes by Chuck Berry and Jimmy Reed. Though he’s sometimes derided as a circus act, watching him close up it’s not hard to understand why people have likened him to Jimi Hendrix, or how John Peel came to call “Cat Scratch Fever” the best rock single of its year. His decision to restrict his berserk talent to heavy rock has undoubtedly masked his virtuosity. Not that this bothers Ted. “GOD SENT ME HERE TO MAKE SURE THESE LICKS CAME OFF OF A GUITAR. THEY ARE PERFECT. THEY ARE F*CKING PHENOMENAL.”

“Are there NRA board members,” I ask Nugent, “who believe you go too far?” “Most of them. I say that I want the rape victim to shoot the rapist. They agree with me privately. They think stating this publicly is bad PR. They’re wrong. All good people want rape to stop.”

Some years before Michael Moore released Bowling For Columbine, his celebrated assault on the NRA, he featured Ted Nugent on his BBC show TV Nation.

“They sent this young Limey pr*ck who pretended to be my friend,” the guitarist recalls. “He tried to f*ck with me on all these politically incorrect levels. I gutted him. I danced on his skull.” A few months later, he says, “Michael Moore, who I have met and debated with many times, approached me at Detroit airport – Gate 18 – after they lost that show. He shook my hand and said: ‘Ted – you were brilliant.'”

“This would be a far safer country without weapons, and you know it.” “And there’d be fewer drownings if we got rid of lakes. There will be accidents! Leave me alone!”

I confess to a grudging respect for the system by which he governs his land, though I’m not sure I’d like to see his reign extended to the state of Michigan.

“What do these deer think when they see you coming?” I ask him. “Here comes the nice guy who puts out our dinner? Or, there’s the man that shot my brother?”

“I don’t think they’re capable of either of those thoughts, you Limey a**hole. They’re only interested in three things: the best place to eat, having sex and how quickly they can run away. Much like the French.”

“You wrote a song called ‘Dog Eat Dog’. You see the world like that. But we’re not dogs – that’s the trouble.”

“Remember the movie Old Yeller? Everybody loved him. He brought us our slippers. We gave him cookies. But when Old Yeller gets rabies, you shoot him in the f*cking head. It’s that simple.”

“You want to know how to get peace, love and understanding?” he replies. “Who doesn’t know this? The Ku-Klux-Klan? The Black Panthers? Child rapists? How do you get peace, love and understanding? First of all you have to find all the bad people. Then,” Nugent adds, “you kill them.”

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PS. See also what Ted Nugent has to say about Republicans In Name Only, like John McCain.

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One Response to “If Ann Coulter Were a Rocker, She’d be Ted Nugent”

  1. Boston Cummings Says:

    “And if you say in your hearts, How are we to be certain that the word does not come from the Lord?” (Deuteronomy, 18, 21).

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