The Words of the Teleprompter Messiah

“So the other day I was attending a funeral for this fallen corpse-man, a Mr. OAR-ee-on – one of the unbroken line of fallen heroes – and I see many of them in the audience here today.”

“Although they cling do to guns and religion – this funeral is chock full of that! – it’s just because they’re bitter over the price of arugula… Uh, hold on, uh, uh, I can’t hear myself think here.”

“Uh, carrying on… I was upset as he was an Arabic speaker and we need every one we can get for Afghanistan. But not as upset as that time when 10,000 people died from those Kabul tornados!”

“But back to the funeral… To those conspiracy theorists out there, I’m certain my attendance at this ceremony full of religion proves to them my Muslim faith. I mean, Christian faith.”

“So anyway, in order to make up for this loss, I’ve been looking into bringing in greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to the Marine Corpse. They will be as problem-free as the post office. Let me be absolutely clear, the Marines are a great friend to the Marines.”

“It was a tight schedule by the way, you ever tried visiting all 57 states? So now that we’re done, can I just eat my waffle? Islam invented waffles, you know.”

(By the way aren’t you glad we dodged that IDIOT Palin back in ’08?)


How many did you catch without checking the linky references?

Guide sources: here, here, here and here.

Teleprompter fun right here.

UPDATE: Palin herself uses the same tactic!

See also Every Obama Speech in One Paragraph via AoSHQ.

33 Responses to “The Words of the Teleprompter Messiah”

  1. Today’s Tidbits Says:

    […] The Words of the Teleprompter Messiah More merry-mixups-and-hijinks as the ‘Anointed One’ misspeaks, blithers, blathers, and generally proves what we all know; he’s at best a fool and at worst a tool.  Hey that last rhymes, clever me! […]

  2. wits0 Says:

    The TOTUS talks plenty, says little and means even less.

    Only one thing is certain and that’s the Teleprompter head swings, signifying nothing genuine or meaningful, but a put on ritual.

  3. Robert Says:

    If ridicule is the best you can fall back on to promote your imagined political superiority then the Democrats, especially the President, is in better shape than ever! Keep up the good work! Then again, it doesn’t take much to make asses out of yourselves.

  4. wits0 Says:

    It takes some ridiculous and weird “Christian” to carry the blessed Hanuman figurine in his pocket. A rabbit’s foot would even not have been so faulted, for good luck. Is Obowma also a closet (and worshipping)Hindu?

  5. Scott Thong Says:

    Actually Robert, it was an extension of my comment left here:

    Thought it a waste to go down the memory hole one day.

    Oh wow, look at all the interrigent (sic) tweeters and commentors ridiculing Palin there. Sure are politically superior to some nobody former Mayor, Governor, VP candidate and election queenmaker!

    Soooooooo… Care to repeat your assertion, only flipped to the other side?

  6. Ron Says:

    “Actually Robert, it was an extension of my comment left here:

    Which almost immediately garnered the following reply:

    “Whatever you’re taking, you should either stop taking it or go all the way and up the dose.”

  7. gazooks Says:

    ‘If the other side won’t compromise, you must fight them with full force’,7340,L-3923309,00.html

    Robert & Ron chitlin eating monkee would rather be p*ssed on

  8. gazooks Says:

    Bob & Tom see different

  9. gazooks Says:

    “Actually Robert, ……., only flipped to the other side?”

    The food co-op in Olympia, Washington has decided to boycott Israeli products.

    Let’s go to the videotape.

  10. gazooks Says:

    Isn’t that illegal? After all, the US has a law that prohibits participating in the Arab boycott of Israel.

    I believe that if the co-op takes food stamps or any other government funding for their products that this move by them is illegal. The reason is that by taking food stamps etc they become in effect a government subsidized entity and therefore cannot discriminate on their foods offered for political reasons. Any government funding that they receive even though tax breaks due to their being registered as a co-op will make what they are doing illegal.

    But come on guys – can you see the Eric Holder-led Justice Department going after anyone for boycotting Israel? I think the Corrie pancake ( will stand up and do a jig first.

  11. gazooks Says:

    “Then again, it doesn’t take much to make asses out of yourselves.”

    O I dunno, you dont have to work at it being born one.

  12. Ron Says:

    “Isn’t that illegal? After all, the US has a law that prohibits participating in the Arab boycott of Israel.”

    No, it’s not illegal.

    “The antiboycott provisions of the Export Administration Regulations (EAR) apply to the activities of U.S. persons in the interstate or foreign commerce of the United States.”

    “The scope of the EAR, as defined by Section 8 of the EAA, is limited to actions taken with intent to comply with, further, or support an unsanctioned foreign boycott.”

    Domestic activities do not fall under the provision of the code.

  13. eeek&meek Says:

    Choi said…

    This is also a “PIECE” ISSUE ,Cosmo:

    HOW DARE ALL of YOU in Olympia Wa.??!! Perhaps if Rockets from Seattle were FALLING on Your Left-Wing Heads,and Suicide Bombers were in YOUR Streets ,YOU wouldn’t think the Palestinians were so warm and cuddly.
    You’re NOT for “Peace”,You’re for NO ISRAEL!!!!!!

    Fk You ,FK the Olympia TREE-HUGGER CO-OP ,and EEET SHYTT ALL of you LEFTY Olympia POS’!!!

  14. Scott Thong Says:

    “Actually Robert, it was an extension of my comment left here:”

    Which almost immediately garnered the following reply:

    “Whatever you’re taking, you should either stop taking it or go all the way and up the dose.” – Ron

    You are dumb.


    See what I did there, your comment almost immediately garnered the following reply:

    “You are dumb.”

    So Ron, are both responses equally valid and insightful, or are they both equally shallow and unsubstatiated? Choose your hypocrisy carefully.

    And my original challenge to Robert still stands – will he dismiss the Palin mocker the same way he dismissed this Obama mocker? Choose your hypocrisy carefully.

  15. Ron Says:

    ‘sup with you dude? lost your sense of humor? i thought you were cool with copy/paste and one line snarks? 😦

  16. Scott Thong Says:

    Still am – but my taste runs to cleverer ones.

  17. Ron Says:

    What can I say? I can only work with the materials I’ve been given, but duly noted — will make extra effort to ramp up the cleverness factor in the future. kbyethnx

  18. logansrun Says:

    This prohibits American citizens from carrying on “any correspondence or intercourse” with any foreign government with the intent to influence the “measures or conduct of any foreign government” regarding “disputes or controversies with the United States,” or to “defeat the measures of the United States.”

    -Logan Act, Section 953 of the penal code

  19. herodotus Says:

    Obama Uses Teleprompter to speak in 6th Grade Class

  20. waltz Says:

    As President Obama’s approval ratings hit new lows in some polls, his once-toxic predecessor seems to be benefitting from what The San Francisco Examiner’s Julie Mason calls “the sentimental gauze of hindsight.” George W. Bush’s legacy favorability rating has risen considerably in Gallup polls, he has a book coming out in October, and Republicans are cautiously starting to embrace him again. Here’s a look at the possible burgeoning rehabilitation of our 43rd president:

  21. Scott Thong Says:

    kbyethnx – Ron

    Is that new terminology?

  22. Simon Thong Says:

    ok, bye and thanks?

  23. Scott Thong Says:

    Usually not in that order.

  24. Ron Says:

    “Is that new terminology?”

    cyber hairball…. 😉

  25. Simon Thong Says:

    can’t see where that came from; mind has to be convoluted to arrive at that; perhaps cincalok in american english.

  26. huh Says:

    The Obama administration has lied to you once again. I’m sure you are shocked. After insisting for the last year that it opposed the release of Abdel Baset al-Megrahi – the only man convicted in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 in 1988 – it now turns out that the release was approved by the Obami after all

  27. woodstok Says:

    Obama Ramadanadingdong

    Obama’s goal of reconciliation with the Islamic world seems to explain his obsession with all things Muslim, it is hard to reconcile his obsession with dar al Islam and his rejection of Christianity in myriad ways. Take, for example, when Georgetown University covered over the monogram “IHS” – an abbreviation for the Greek form of the name of Jesus Christ — because it was inscribed on a pediment on the stage when President Obama spoke at the university last year, and Obama told Georgetown to cover up all Christian signs and symbols there. Or Obama’s cancellation of the National Day of Prayer service at the White House. Or that Obama has still not joined a church, after being in office a year and a half.

  28. pipa Says:

    It’s a bit early for Christmas Carols but this one is sure to be a hit come December

  29. fiftyfour Says:

  30. hobbes Says:

    One of these days the teleprompter too is giving up:

    “Is it still going to the press?” he asked, checking to make sure even if he couldn’t be heard clearly in the Rose Garden, broadcast networks were getting clean sound, which they were.

    “OK,” the president said.

    A plane flew nearby, drowning out his voice.

    “What we did know was that it was going to take nearly a decade in order for — can you guys still hear us?”

    Reporters nodded.

    “OK,” he continued, “let me try this one more time.”

  31. Zack T Says:

    loop Says:
    “‘By contrast, a whole lot of Jews, Christians and atheists were active in that list!’

    Every fifth person in the world is a Muslim?
    Majority of the Muslims are of non-Arab race and nationalities?
    There are 8 million Muslims in the U.S.A.?
    Islam is the fastest growing religion in the U.S.A.?

    Isn’t it time to familiarize yourself with Islam?”

    I kinda find it annoying when ever questioned about Islam and its’ teachings… Muslims usually have this particular reply, “Islam is the fastest growing religion in the *insert location or ‘world’*”.. as if it automatically proves the truthfulness of the Islamic teaching.
    (They fail to mention that Muhammad taught Muslims to lie in order to achieve their goals when necessary; taqiyya)

    In response to this constant reply, someone in this blog wrote this post stating that, according to Islamic teaching, Islam is actually the fastest SHRINKING religion in the world.
    Check out his reasoning at this link.


  32. Zack T Says:

    Oh.. sorry.. for some very odd reason.. the page jumped to this page and U posted my comment on the wrong blog… sorry about that.

  33. IMAO » Blog Archive » Link of the Day: 2 Years Of Obama Gaffes in One Paragraph Says:

    […] The Words of the Teleprompter Messiah […]

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