GROWING THE ‘THROW YOUR TEMPER’ BUFFER TIME

The following is a more of pastoral post that does involve some concepts about libertarian free will.

Watch this clip from Shrek 2, where they have an argument. Focus on 20 seconds onwards, where Fiona suddenly realizes she was about to say something hurtful. She pauses, but then Shrek eggs her on and you can see her expression change as she DECIDES to go ahead with saying it.

I bet that felt good to Fiona when she did it – she DESERVED to let her temper loose! Shrek was asking for it!

In my experience, this is what ‘Losing Your Temper’ is really like. There is no “I couldn’t help it, I lost my temper” – there is only “I CHOSE to throw my temper”.

But why does it feel like sometimes, we really do react instantly with anger? There seems to be no Buffer Time between the provocation and our seemingly reflexive outburst of anger.

I believe this is why Paul likened our spiritual walk, growth and maturity to athletics and sports. When we first start out exercising, we can barely do a few pushups or run a lap before getting winded, tired and sore. But keep at it for weeks, and gradually our body grows and gets used to it. We had weak muscles and no worthwhile physical capacity to speak of, but eventually we can do much more physical exertion.

The same goes for things like self-control, controlling one’s temper, consciously deciding not to dwell on bad thoughts or temptations. When we have not trained our spiritual and emotional self, we have a weak self-control and no worthwhile self-conscious capacity to speak of – we have no Buffer Time for something like throwing our temper.

It is my personal experience that just like physical exercise, learning to control my temper takes conscious, repeated effort. Just like the inability to run a marathon at first, the Buffer Time is pathetic to start with. But by continuing to remind myself and exercise self-control whenever I realize I am tempted to throw my temper, I find that the Buffer Time where I have a clear ‘Fiona’ realization about this gradually increases – little by little, day by day.

The flip-side also is true – like the alleged Native American advice about Two Wolves Fighting Inside You, the one you feed will win. While exercising self-control, starve out negative thoughts and emotions by consciously refusing to indulge in them. Just like the slow start to exercise, it won’t be easy going or fast progress at first. But gradually you will find that those vices tug at you less and less.

That is the encouragement I want to give you – no, it certainly won’t be quick or easy, but it CAN be done with patience and perseverance. The reward is there if you’re willing to work towards it.

I will leave you with some exhortations from Scripture:

Take every thought captive to obey Christ – 2 Corinthians 10:5

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. – 1 Corinthians 10:13

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. – 2 Corinthians 3:18

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. – 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. – Hebrews 12:1-4

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:12-13