What if the whole world spoke like Mojo Jojo?
Mojo Jojo is the evil mastermind villian in the Powerpuff Girls cartoons. He is a chimpanzee. He speaks with a stereotypical ‘dubbed Japanese’ accent. To wit…
It takes a longer time and uses more syllables to same something in Japanese compared to English. For example, “Thanks” in English (1 syllable) versus “Arigato” (4 syllables) in Japanese.
When US producers dubbed early anime, the characters would be moving their mouths a lot (as they originally speak Japanese). So in order to fill in the empty spaces, the American voice actors used contrived sentences and extended reiteration, often saying many words quickly to try and match the plentiful short mouth movements. I like to call it ‘Speed Racer Syndrome’, and if you’ve ever watched an episode of that show, you’d understand why!
So in this episode of the Powerpuff Girls, Mojo Jojo is sentenced by the judge to perform community service, in order to make up for his crimes. More precisely, he has to teach a knowledge extension course in English. Let’s hear him speak at his first lesson:
Mojo: Hello and good evening to you. I am Mojo Jojo, your instructor and the person who will be teaching you from this point forward. That is to say that as you are here representing the students of the class, I am here representing the teacher of the class. And as it is my job to teach, it is your job to learn, and in learning gain more intelligence than you currently have. Now, what are the names or individual identifications that have been assigned to the lot of you?
Each of the students gives their name. After listening to them, Mojo responds…
Mojo: I see. Now as teacher and thus assigner of the grades in this class, if I were to be performing said grading right now at this moment, let me tell you that… None of you passed!
Gasp! Horror! Faint!
Mojo: That is right! In the grading system, I would have assigned you all with an F —which, if I had control of the grading system, I would make the lowest grade a Z, since that is the final letter in the alphabet, which starts with A and ends with Z . But instead, the letter given for those who do most poorly is an F, seeing as it goes A, B, C, D, F, with the inexplicable skipping of E. Nonetheless, after that pathetic display, all of you would get an F, symbolizing FAILURE for your poor use of English!
The students protest that he asked for their names, and they gave their names as requested.
Mojo: Yes, and that is wrong, because it is boring and uninteresting and thoroughly bringing me about to a state of unconsciousness. From those simple, pathetic names I learn nothing! I am here to teach you proper English, and with that you are to learn proper descriptive and defining skills. Now let us try this again…
And thus begins the spread of Mo’Linguish, which gains popularity and eventually brings the entire town to a standstill… For example, the Mayor calling the Powerpuff Girls to alert them to a bank robbery in progress…
Mayor: There is a stealing of sorts happening at the place where money is given and taken, that is to say deposited and withdrawn—and sometimes redistributed and loaned. But currently the taker is taking that which is not his, thus performing an act of illegality, which could result in incarceration within the confines of a penal facility, that is to say prison, jail, hoosegow, et cetera.
And at the bank itself…
Robber: The amount which I want to withdraw is not that from any bank account which I hold within the bank. In other words, I wish to take money that does not belong to me, but is instead in the ownership of others who have worked hard to gather funds for their future rainy days.
Bank Teller: But what I am asking you is, do you have an account which I can access, and if so, what are the numerical digits for me to properly type upon the keyboard to tap into the computer system which allows me permission into all of the fund-related requests?
Robber: And what you are failing to understand is that I do not have said account, since I am not a patron of this fine establishment except to take from it that which is not mine.
Ah, the beauty and pure evil of the English language! A tool that the elite use to oppress the masses – so hard to learn, yet so necessary in order to get ahead. Muahaha!
Great laffs all around, wot? Read the full transcript of the episode here, and the other fun Mojo-talking episode (Mojo Bubbles).
“I do not talk like that! The way I communicate is much different. I do not reiterate, repeat, reinstate the same thing over and over again. I am clear, concise, to the point!”