Happy Tree Friends Short Comics

Look what I stumbled on! 

                        …TO BE CONTINUED! OH NO!

The conclusion (WARNING: Gratuitious cartoon violence! Muahaha!) and other strips can be found at  http://www.jennyhansen.com/artindex.php under ‘Happy Tree Friends for Mad Magazine’ at the right side.

See also this one with a foreign language title.

For those of you who are new to the concept of Happy Tree Friends, it features the everyday adventures of cute cartoon animals… Who die violent, horrible and inventively amusing deaths. Tom & Jerry taken to the extreme! Head on over to http://mondo.happytreefriends.com to watch the animated mayhem! I personally recommend the episode ‘Eye Candy’, currently 28th down the list of episodes.

The Parable of Kampong Kayukayu

There was a young man called Gembira, who lived in a small village called Kampong Kayukayu. The village was so named because everyone in the kampong practiced Kayuism – a religion where all the gods are made of different woods (birch, meranti, rotan). Gembira was born into a family of Kayuists, and so automatically became a Kayuist from birth.

But one day, Gembira came across a new religion – X. When he learnt more about X, he came to personally believe that it was the true religion. He made a heartfelt, informed and sane decision to convert to religion X. He then applied to change his religion.

Well, the kampong wouldn’t stand for that! They had very, VERY strict rules about apostasy from their ‘one true religion’ of Kayuism. And they sincerely believed that only Kayuism was the right path, and no sane person who saw the Kayu light would ever want to leave its illumination.

So at first, they reasoned that poor young Gembira must be under pressure… Or led askew by some deceptive teaching… Or something else must be wrong if he could stray from the true faith.

So they tried to ‘counsel’ him for 2 years (it is the responsibility of Kayuists to bring their wayward brothers back to the faith). But their attempts to bring this particular wayward brother back to the faith didn’t work. So they continued to ‘counsel’ and ‘advise’ him for another 6 years.

Finally, they got fed up. Fine, go ahead and change to a false religion! See how far you get! We tried to save you from eternal suffering, but noooooo, you wouldn’t listen!

So Gembira did change his religion… Or at least, tried to. Because as followers of the only true faith, the Kayuists did everything they could to hinder Gembira’s conversion.

Hot-headed Kayuists held rallies, made threats against his family and vandalized his home – APOSTASY IS AN INSULT AGAINST THE GREAT KAYU MERANTI! they would chant.

Bureaucrats made him run around for years to various courts, just to try and change his MyKayuKad details. He was born as a Kampong Kayukayu person, and by law all Kampong Kayukayu persons are automatically Kayuists. If Gembira didn’t want to be a Kayuist, well then, he should have chosen properly which parents he was born to!

Relatives (who had disowned him for his shameful, honour-staining act of infidelness) hoped he would die before he could successfully change his official faith, so that his non-Kayuist trustees wouldn’t get any of his property or possessions. By the way, they’re all big fans of Lex Luthor in the Superman movie and often practise inheritance-getting tactics on dying non-Kayuists.

And finally… Gembira was forced to leave the kampong when he was threatened with both imprisonment (under the Internal Kayu Act) and with painful death (under stones thrown by the hot-heads). After that, all mention of him was barred from the local media.

After all, if Gembira was dissatisfied with Kayuism, it was a very bad example. He was an aberration – after all, NO ONE ELSE ever tried to change religion from Kayuism! (Well, as far as the village public knows…and let’s keep it that way for the sake of village harmony okay?)

And so… How do you think people feel when they whole-heartedly and sound-mindedly want to convert to a different religion from Islam?

Sure, you may argue that in this case they shouldn’t be allowed to, because ‘Islam is the true religion and for their own sake and the sake of others who may be influenced and the sake of the country’s peace, they shouldn’t be allowed to convert, etc etc’.

But isn’t that what the Kayuists were saying too? Isn’t the principle the same? Think about it. Imagine it. Put yourself in the shoes of all the Gembiras, and see if you like the fit.

(PS. Btw, Kayu sounds kinda like Kaio – the term for the administration gods in Dragonball-Z. Hehe.)

9 Days Later…

Wow… Just 9 days after my first post, and I have 15 posts (including this one), 10 comments not by me, and 200 hits. Let’s see if I can keep this up!

Clarification: My first post, Introduction/The Constitution, was actually on 19th July. I only set the correct date for the Calendar after noticing the wrong date on that post.

Common Sense Personal Safety

JB is a dangerous city – the crime rate is infamous, including violent crimes. Snatch thefts, armed robberies, assaults, car thefts, house break-ins, rapes. The last one especially riles my righteous anger and concern for those around me. I’d be only half-joking if I said it has to do with the local police being VERY ADEPT at issuing parking offence samans, and VERY INEPT at apparently anything else.

Some time back, I submitted an office memo on watching out for yourself (mainly for the girls). I present here the modified version. I hope you find it useful, wherever you may be. God bless you, and keep you and your loved ones safe.

COMMON SENSE PERSONAL SAFETY
It is very important that you STAY SAFE FROM BEING ATTACKED. Being prepared is the best protection. Common sense steps:

WALKING
1. DO NOT WALK ALONE. Always travel together. If you will work past evening, arrange for someone to meet you at the office.
2. Stay in brightly lit areas. Avoid dark and lonely streets. Do not go near to bushes, doors or other places where a person can hide.
3. If possible, walk on the ‘kaki lima’ of shops. Snatch thefts occur most often when you are walking on the road. But do not walk along ‘kaki lima’ that are dark or secluded.
4. Walk quickly, do not ‘lepak’ and take your time. The darker it is, the faster you should walk.
5. If you know you have to walk when it is late, wear shoes that you can run in. High heels are not recommended.
6. Be alert to your surroundings, this also discourages attackers who prefer easy targets. Look around you for danger, and move to avoid danger if you see it. DO NOT LET YOURSELF DREAM OR BE BLUR.

GOING TO THE CAR/DRIVING
1. Go to your cars together. If only two of you are left, get in the first car and drive to the next car.
2. Have your car keys ready before you reach the car. Open the door, get inside, and lock the door quickly.
3. Lock all the doors and close all the windows. Make it a habit to ALWAYS do this.
4. If you are involved in an accident, DO NOT GET OUT OF THE CAR. Stay calm, don’t panic and just forget what you’re reading here! Only wind down the window VERY LITTLE and talk from there until you are sure it is safe. Call someone to come over or at least inform them of the situation. You can drive to a bright, public area or police station to discuss things.
5. When you reach home, look around before you get out of the car. Have your house keys ready so you can go inside quickly. Please remember – if an attacker gets inside your home, your family or housemates are also in danger.

IF YOU ARE THREATENED
1. If the attacker is dangerous (such as carrying a weapon) and only wants your money, give it to him. Money is not worth getting hurt for.
2. Remember as many details as you can (height, age, facial features, race). Go and make a police report as soon as possible so you don’t forget any details.

IF YOU ARE ATTACKED
1. If you believe the attacker wants to hurt or rape you, SCREAM LOUDLY. RUN TO WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE.
2. If you are trapped and cannot escape, stay calm. Talk to the attacker confidently, reason with him. DO NOT BEG, PLEAD OR SEEM WEAK. Make him know that you are a person, a human being, not a ‘thing’ that has no rights or feelings.
3. If he doesn’t stop, you have two options. The first option is to SURVIVE. Being raped is terrible, but being killed is worse. Surrender, but remember as many details as you can to tell to the police.

IF YOU FIGHT BACK
1. If you cannot accept the above, or you think he will injure/kill you anyway, then FIGHT BACK AS HARD AND FIERCE AND WILD AS YOU CAN. It may be unthinkable for some of you, but don’t think too much – set your mind to JUST DO IT.
2. When you fight, SHOW NO MERCY. Don’t care what happens to the attacker! He deserves to be hurt. You deserve to be safe.
3. As soon as you can, get to safety. You are fighting to get a chance to escape, not fighting to win.
4. When you fight:
   a) Fight with all your strength, you may take him by surprise or scare him away.
   b) SCRATCH HIS EYES as hard and deep as you can, even if you blind him.
   c) Use your knees, elbows to hit soft areas (nose, neck, stomach and groin).
   d) Use any sharp objects you have (keys can be used to poke his eyes).
   e) BITE AS HARD AS YOU CAN, especially the face, nose and fingers, even if you bite off flesh. Bite like an angry, crazy dog – THIS IS NOT A JOKE. Bite so badly that he has to seek immediate medical attention and leaves.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN RAPED
1. Stay calm. Get to safety. Call someone you know, call the police.
2. Do not change clothes or bathe. Go to the hospital first and get a medical examination. The police will need any DNA and evidence to catch the attacker.
3. Make a police report. You can help stop the attacker from hurting other people.
4. There are cases where hospital or police staff are uncooperative, despite the trauma you’ve undergone. It’s up to your discretion, but you can threaten to report their actions and attitude to newspapers unless they get their act together. (We know many reporters with the Star, the Sun and the New Straits Times)

And to all GUYS, I charge you with this: PROTECT THE GIRLS AT ALL COSTS. If you have to, GIVE YOUR LIFE to keep them from harm and give them a chance to escape safely. The worst that can happen to us is that we die only. This is the duty of a man, moreso a man of God. 

Sweet Dreams

http://www.geocities.com/MrScottBake

What might have been, if God had not better plans for me… The site is mostly functional, but was never actually launched. At the time of writing this blog, there are only 15 visitors to MrScottBake’s site. (But within an hour of posting, this had increased to 17 visitors)

Ah, the dream of exquisitely delicious, yet affordable confectionaries! Still, I’d like to thank everyone for their support, especially Esther, Yun Leng & housemates, and Grace Woo & her CG! I’ll bake for everyone again some day, promise.

 

Google Myself

Who has tried searching for their own name on google? It helps to put ” before and after the phrase so you don’t get everyone else in the world with the same first name as you. Example: “scott thong” instead of scott thong. But those with more common names will be lucky to find even one hit which actually refers to them. Also try different combinations of your name.

I searched for “scott thong” and the first few hits turned up this current blog, this current blog via technorati, and my participation in a national Magic: The Gathering card game tournament.

(KL Grand Prix 2000 – I placed 10th and won myself USD 500, more than covering whatever total I had ever spent on the game. I shall maintain it as God’s will that I finally got very bad luck, didn’t make it to the Quarter-Finals in the tournament, and didn’t move on to a full-time profitable career playing games. Because then, I might never have met YOU.)

Unfortunately, due to the common English meaning of my name, the rest of the google hits involve daring undergarments, under-dressed models or a combination of both. (WARNING: Some of these sites contain explicit material. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

Oh well…at least John the Baptist didn’t feel worthy to untie me off of Jesus’ sandals. So where’s YOUR family name in the Bible? :p

Follow Christ Today Lucky Draw Contest!

You might win: A disowning by your furious family!

You might win: A sudden loss of your friends who deride your not agreeing to smoking/drinking/partying/porning/sleeping around!

You might win: Newfound ethical dilemmas and/or a chance to be fired from your work place for non-compliance with questionable practices!

You might win: Harassment and intimidation from former friends, colleagues, family members, strangers who picked up the newspaper recently, or even (if you’re EXTRA lucky) local law enforcement officials!

You might win: A non-existant place of worship for decades until the local authorities approve your land for religious use!

You might win: Years of red tape and legal battles just to change one line on your MyKad! (BONUS: Insults and condemnation by the larger part of society!)

You might win: Official cover-up and denial of your religious conversion, just like the many others who have not converted either (officially).

You might win: Denial or cessation of aid and development for your kampong in the foresty hills! Don’t worry, your bumiputra ethnicity or hardcore economic deficiency won’t disqualify you from this loss of support!

You might win: A gag order when you try to say something like ***** ** *** *** ** ******! (Oops, looks like we won one too!)

You might win: A 60 days, 2 years or indefinite stay at the special ISA Suite of Hotel Kamunting! Enjoy the utter seclusion, iron-rod massages and ice-water baths administered by well-trained, professional attendants!

You might win: Constant and often deliberate challenges to your beliefs, moral stand, determination, personal opinions and dreams for the future! Questioning of your sensibility and ability to think straight may also be included.

You might win: Disdain, contempt, mockery and ridicule from EVERYONE ELSE. That’s right, folks, that’s EVERYONE ELSE including other monotheistic faith, humanists, naturalists, communists, atheists, New Age groups, offshoot cults, controlling regimes, perhaps 49.3% of Americans who voted Blue, and people who don’t even try/want to understand your beliefs! You’ll never be bored or lonely!

You might win: Bricks, bullets, stones, sticks, machetes, petrol + open flame, noose + tree, and vehement hatred… All absolutely FREE!

You might win: Special visits from well-wishers who flew ALL THE WAY from distant and exotic lands such as Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Lebanon, Palestine and more! And they brought presents! (see above)

You might win: Explosive or combustive devices in your place of worship when it finally exists!

You might win: Guaranteed top spots on the short waiting list of future riot and religious conflict victims!

You might win: Complete ignoring from the world media while you’re being persecuted in one of the above package deals. Unless you decide to defend yourself, whereupon you get to star in the role of ‘The Evil Oppressor’!

And for those lucky contestants who live in North Korea, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Somalia, Maldives, Bhutan, Vietnam, Yemen, Laos, China, or any number of other countries in the world, you and your family might win a chance to be imprisoned, tortured and killed horrifyingly with no annoying paparazzi coverage! You lucky winners, you!

So what are you waiting for? Join the hundreds of millions who have already collected their prizes over the centuries! (We regret to inform contestants that several prizes are no longer available, including the Stalin’s Purge Formula, Chairman Mao Special and Holy Horde Package)

And do you know what else? It’s all worth it… Completely. More than completely. But really and truly, you have to try it for yourself. I have.

Russell Crowe Fightin’ Around the World

From an episode of South Park, Russell Crowe’s very own TV show!

Makes a good desktop background!

[Theme Song]
Born in New Zealand in ’64,
A hot-headed actor named Russell Crowe.
He loves to act but he loves one thing more,
Fightin’ Around the World!

He fights his directors and he fights his fans,
It’s a problem no one understands.
(If there’s two things he loves, it’s fighting and)
Fightin’ Around the World!

Making movies
Making music
And Fightin’ Around the World~~ (Russell Crowe!)

Listen to his fun theme song! (230kb) (To save to your computer, right-click on the link and choose Save Target As)

  

He fights a passerby who walked onto his camera shot.

He fights fans who recognized it’s Russell Crowe.

He fights Chinese in China and Indians in India.

He fights people who realize, hey isn’t that that guy from Gladiator?

He fights a technician who cut short some of his footage, exaggerated from real life case http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russell_crowe#Temperament.

  

He sings a song, which causes his friend Tugger to attempt suicide.

In the hospital, he threatens a doctor who interrupts his soul searching to tell him about Tugger’s condition.

…Then fights the doctors anyway ‘cos he’s happy Tugger will be okay.

He takes up a cause after being inspired by the attempted suicide. He decides to… Fight cancer! Where are you, you yellow-belly Cancer? Come out and fight!

He couldn’t find Cancer, but he managed to find a patient with cancer. Biff! Pow! Take that, cancer!

Making movies, Making songs, And Fightin’ Around the World~~!

                       “Oy! What are YOU lookin’ at?!”

Watch the opening credits of Russell Crowe Fightin’ Around the World!

Follow the full episode of Russell Crowe Fightin’ Around the World in still pictures!

What I Learnt in Bio Class

As you may know, I don’t work in any sort of biology line. But that doesn’t mean 3 years of Sains Kajihayat were wasted. Au contraire, I learnt some useful things in Biologi Gunaan…

                    <— Nonlocal bug-sprays

Our local bug-sprays come in Mosquito-picture and Cockroach-picture varieties, if you take a look. There actually is a difference: The Mosquito spray released a fine mist that is designed to float in the air for a few minutes, whacking any flying insects that bump into it. It dissipates after a while. The Cockroach spray is heavy and contains oils, so it sticks to the ground like a land-mine for crawling insects to make a wrong move. It can last for weeks. This is why often you come across a KO-ed cockroach on the floor, even though it seems nobody sprayed recently.

The fast-acting chemicals in the insectide spray are mainly pyrethroids. The amount of pyrethroids that is lethal to mammals is roughly between 100,000 to millions of times more than for insects (Basic Revision: Humans are mammals). However, fish and other aquatic critters die quite easily from low levels of the stuff. The ‘mystery’ of Alabaster Box’s dead fish solved???

And fianlly, from the travestous butchering of due scientific process that was my thesis: Washing your rice carefully won’t guarantee you a bug-free meal. Weevils lay an egg INSIDE THE RICE GRAIN! The pale or colourless wormy is nearly impossible to notice as it eats and grows for weeks, pupates, turns into an adult and lepaks for a couple of days…before finally breaking out of the hollowed-out rice grain. You’ve probably consumed TONS of ‘bonus protein’ over your lifespan! AAAAAAGHHHHH! But don’t worry – they’re completely harmless.

Want proof? Wanna see it for yourself? WELL TOO BAD, I’LL SHOW YOU ANYWAY! MUAHAHAHA! Enjoy.

 
A Horror, emerging from emptied rice grain!

 
In a jar full of ethanol, Terrors sleep inside their rice grains!

 
Again, soaking with alcohol reveals the entombed Monsters.

Housemates Post 1: I Remember…

I remember a PPK Friday meeting. A guy was asking me if I’d found a place to stay for the coming year yet, if not, maybe could find a place together with a few friends. But I turned down his suggestion at first, me having vaguely planned to stay with Ipoh friends (what would we have missed out on if I really had!) This was before even the events mentioned in his latest post.

I remember a CG I was invited to, my first.  Kenny Cheah was the one who invited me, and (at that time not yet) my honey-sweetheart drove me back afterwards – that’s the first time I met her too, and you know what, I already found her interesting ;>  Anyway… During the games, I had to swallow a can’s worth of Coke (did it in 2 gulps) and this big-eyed, long-haired, small-sized, very cute girl had to lower a needle on a string into the empty can. Also remember seeing her earlier before in PPK, and deciding “Aiyah, so choon, SURE already got boyfriend one!”

I remember one Sunday morning, I emerged from an all-nite session at Power Extreme. As I was about to start stumble back through Side Gate and back to IK hostel… “Hey! You go to PPK right? Are you going anywhere? Want to come to church? Come la!” Roughly to that effect. Thus also the first time I went to EPCC.

I remember getting to know the girls better… Baking fund-raiser cookies in 10-4-6 Desa U. Walking them back to desa afterwards. Recording endless acting takes in Dan’s N-Park room, windows and doors closed to seal out any noise. Scolding me for being so kolot, even as they eventually adopted some of my kolot values. Relaxing down my dressing and hair, even as I conservative-ized their dressing for church-service. Passing and returning and passing again crushes.

I remember losing our precious Desa U top floor apartment, only to miraculously get what eventually turned out to be PPK-CA-PKA’s most visited apartment. Eagerly moving in the first night with no furniture whatsoever and sleeping on the hall floor. Going on household shopping spree and pinjaming a Makro trolley to bring it all back to Saujana. The mirror disconnecting from the wall and breaking the same night we hung it up.

I remember getting used to living with other people who have other lifestyles, opinions and sensitivities, and their getting used to mine. Miniature emotional dramas. Long late nights of communal refusing-to-sleep. Cooking sessions and makan times and ‘surprise’ parties. Packing 6-to-a-Kancil and 7-to-an-Iswara for movies and dimsums. The incredible miracle of Streamyx, and the incredibly annoying blinking-light-means-can’t-connect of the modem. Endless songs on loop and “but love is !OOOONNNNLY~! a feeling!” resounding through the house! Mouseys/Rats and generations of cats stopping by. And the final few episodes of 8-13-2 Sri Saujana, as its 4-year occupants left to move on with their lives.

But do you know what… Not only do the memories live on. The Housemates Saga is still continuing! The series will never end, as more and more seasons are released and the occassional movie is filmed. And you can be sure that as the script is written out, we’ll be here to share it. Stay tuned!